CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2011: Launch Night

For a decade the first night of Big Brother signaled the beginning of summer for fans, but the latest run is premiering in the middle of August on Channel 5 (who've bought the rights to the show after Channel 4 axed it last year). It's a bad time to launch, made worse by the bizarre decision to kick-start BB's return with a celebrity special that will segue into the regular show. This means that the "proper" show won't start till September, when the weather's cooling, and continue throughout autumn!

top-bottom: Amy Childs, Tara Reid,
Jedward, Kerry Katona & Darryn Lyons

People underestimate the power of seasons and weather when scheduling television. Big Brother has been synonymous with summer for over a decade. Housemates sunbathing in the garden was a recurring motif of the show's live-feed (absent this year), while the celebrity version always arrived in January to blow away wintry post-Christmas blues. It seems as crazy as moving Wimbledon to October.

At the very least you'd think Channel 5 would know it makes more sense to do a regular Big Brother first, then extend the run with a celebrity version. The problem with reversing that order is how it risks people becoming bored of the house, and perhaps the whole show, by the time the celebs are all evicted and a rabble of strangers are thrown in.

To be honest, whichever version of BB airs first, the "double bill" is the larger issue. Why not have a normal version in August through October (if they must), leave the celeb version for January-February, and then get the next regular version on-air by June as usual?

Anyway, Celebrity Big Brother returned last night with a 90-minute launch, which was practically identical to those Channel 4 aired for 11 years. If slightly tighter, with a few improvements. The celebs no longer arrived in pointless limousine (which have literally travelled about 50 metres), but instead walk through the opening iris of a giant Big Brother eye-symbol—like something out of Stargate SG1.

Our new host is Brian Dowling (the winner of Big Brother 2, crowned Ultimate Big Brother champion last summer) who replaces Davina McCall. I was braced for a disaster, but Dowling was surprisingly confident and assured. After so many years watching the relative shambles of McCall (tottering around pulling faces and fumbling her words), Dowling struck a calmer, cheeky tone. You could argue he was comparatively boring, which is true to some extent, but as a debut it was a good start. He just needs to reflect some of the show's lunacy—which MCall, love her or hate her, always put across in her own performance. There's room for improvement, but Dowling acquitted himself nicely.

As for the celebrity housemates themselves, well... after weeks being teased about the possibility of Pamela Anderson and Charlie Sheen entering the house, the actual bookings were a disappointment. There were only a handful of housemates you'd refer to as "celebrities", and even those were firmly on the C-list.

The big four were beautician Amy Childs, star of The Only Way Is Essex where she's known for "vajazzling" customers; actress Tara Reid, half-remembered for American Pie, but best-known for falling out of nightclubs drunk; Irish identical twins Jedward, the X Factor novelty act whose sheer lunacy has turned them into cult favourites; and Kerry Katona, the ex-popstar who became famous-for-being-famous thanks to a turbulent love life and public meltdown. The rest were significantly less famous, if you can imagine such a possibility: Darryn Lyons, the egotistical Aussie paparazzo with a pink mohican haircut; Lucien Laviscount, a handsome Coronation Street actor; Sally Bercow, wife of the Speaker of the House who infamously posed in nothing but a towel for a tabloid; Paddy Docherty, the Irish star of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding; Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, ex-wife of David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff; and Bobby Sabel, a hunky male model nobody's ever heard of.

top-bottom: Lucien Laviscount, Sally
Bercow, Paddy Docherty, Pamela
Bach-Hasselhoff & Bobby Sable

The star-power's dim, but that's usually the way with Celebrity Big Brother. It perhaps didn't help with negotiations that the show's moved to Channel 5, which is seen a low-rent channel, thus eroding the feeling that an appearance will revive a stalling (or non-existent) showbiz career. If this year's show is a big success, expect a better lineup for 2012. Of course, fame has nothing to do with making a great show. It's all about personalities and chemistry. If the housemates are fun, entertaining, shocking, outspoken, and argumentative, who cares if you've never heard of them. In fact, lesser-known celebrities are often a better booking because they're usually less guarded and more willing to stand out from the crowd. I already sense that Sally and Pamela will be bigger personalities than they are celebrities. And that's just as it should be.

You can't judge the success of a reality show on its opening night, especially as nothing has happened in the house yet—beyond Kerry being given a secret task to get herself voted the group's biggest diva. The only thing you can judge Big Brother on from the launch night is the production itself (good, well-paced, no major hiccups), and the performance of host Dowling (who, as I said, was fine).

The only flaw was how the launch offered absolutely nothing we haven't seen before. Channel 5 delivered no big reinvention of the previous launches, just cosmetic changes (like having iconic BB narrator Marcus Bentley describe the housemates as they entered the house instead of the presenter). Even "the twist" of a secret task was something the show's done numerous times before, so it fell rather flat.

But hey, Celebrity Big Brother 2011 not have given us any sweeping changes, but the refinements were decent, and I'm sure most fans are just happy to see the show back on-air. I just hope Channel 5 find ways to improve Big Brother in more noticeable ways, especially as it'll be running into the chillier months (less bikini's for the Daily Star's front pages), while vying for column inches against X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing.

Big Brother usually has the summer all to itself, but now it's swimming with major competition. It doesn’t stand a chance of winning this battle, especially given its new home, but Channel 5 are just after a steady hit. The launch attracted an impressive 5.1 million viewers, making it Channel 5's fourth most-watched show ever, which is fantastic news for them. I just wonder how far those numbers will drop, as they undoubtedly will.

CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER, Channel 5

READ MORE - CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2011: Launch Night

X FACTOR'd

It's been a torturous year for fans of X Factor, despite the fact not a single episode of the show's aired since Christmas 2010. The speculation over the US version's judges dominated the showbiz headlines since New Year, and then Cheryl Cole was ignominiously given the boot after two-weeks in the prized job. Was it because of her Geordie accent? Or her lack of chemistry with the other judges? Maybe it was her downbeat attitude? It depends which news story you're reading, really. We'll probably never know for sure, because the matter's almost certainly going to be "spun" to ensure Cole doesn't look like a total fool, and Cowell and Fox likewise for taking a risk on someone who fell at the first hurdle.

With all eyes on the US version, the UK original has been in mounting crisis--faced with replacing its two most popular judges. There was the sudden possibility of Cole returning to the British show now she's been axed from the US remake, but she's allegedly been ignoring phone calls to that end. And, to be frank, it's hard to see how Cole could return to X Factor without it looking like she's run back home with her tail between her legs.

Regardless, ITV have now confirmed the judging line-up for this year's X Factor, which starts auditions on Wednesday. They are: Take That's singer-songwriter Gary Barlow, ex-Destiny's Child singer Kelly Rowland, N Dubz's lead singer Tulisa Contostavlos, and returning judge Louis Walsh. Dermot O'Leary will be back as host, having failed to secure the US X Factor gig (beaten by fellow Brit Steve Jones), while Caroline Flack and X Factor runner-up Olly Murs are replacing Konnie Huq on The Xtra Factor show.

So how secure do the X Factor's now appear? The US version has possibly been damaged by a public perception that it's an uncertain creative mess, but I'm pretty sure the "Cheryl Cole incident" will be a minor blip on the radar for Americans--as 97% of them have no clue who she was. The key thing is that the remake has its creator Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul (reuniting after American Idol) and L.A Reid, who may not be a household name, but his credentials in the music biz that put Cowell's to shame.

Cole's role has also been taken by ex-Pussycat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who proved her worth when she guest-judged on the UK X Factor last year, but who was initially hired to co-host the show. Welsh presenter Steve Jones, a total newcomer to Americans, will now have to face presenting this gigantic show by himself. I'm guessing he's handsome and intelligible enough to get the job done, but I still think he's a strange choice. Maybe he'll rise to the occasion, who knows. American presenters are painfully vapid, so Jones could pull "a Cat Deeley" and endear himself by virtue of exhibiting a real personality.

One thing that's come to my attention is how the US X Factor judging panel is incredibly ethnic: with Cowell the only white person. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is an unusual quirk of losing Cole.

What about UK X Factor? Gary Barlow's a great signing, but he's so much of a nice-guy that I can't see him taking Cowell's role in spirit. Kelly Rowland's career isn't big enough to get you excited about her inclusion (did she have any other plans this year?), but she's still a global name and I can see her working nicely as an opinionated judge. Tulisa Contostavlos faces the biggest struggle for acceptance, perhaps, as she's seen as the direct replacement for Cole... but most people over-30 don't know who she is! N Dubz are no Girls Aloud, let's face it. However, having seen her in interviews and on a BBC3 documentary once, she could actually be a surprisingly effective judge. She's definitely more "street" than Cole ever was and, in my opinion, more intelligent, too. As for Louis Walsh--well, you just can't get rid of him, can you? Expect more "you remind me of a young..."-style appraisals.

I have a feeling the UK version will miss having a clear replacement for Cowell, however--in the same way American Idol's new panel (Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, Randy Jackson) have failed to do much beyond offer misplaced praise and support... when a verbal kick in the teeth would sometimes be the kinder thing.

But what do YOU think? Are these trans-Atlantic X Factor changes going to work for their respective countries? Will the US version soar to success simply because of Cowell/Abdul? Will the UK version find a new lease of life with its three new judges, or will it to hit the same snag Britain's Got Talent has been caught on this year without Cowell: audiences WILL tune in because they love the brand, but everyone can see the new judges aren't as good and the show's worse for it.

We won't really know how successful all these changes will be until both X Factor's start airing episodes in a few months time, but what's your gut feeling about all this?

Here are a few words from the UK X Factor talent:

ITV's Director of Television, Peter Fincham:

"The X Factor is more than just a television show: it's by far the nation's biggest platform for emerging talent and I'm delighted to be confirming a line up of judges who have experience right across the music business to pick the stars of the future. As multi-million selling artists, songwriters and pop masterminds, Gary, Tulisa, Kelly and Louis have huge breadth of appeal with our audience and the ability to engage both the UK's next generation of music talent as well as ITV's viewers."

Simon Cowell:

"These four are totally up for it, each of them bring a different attitude. They have had a ton of hits between them and they are all committed to finding a star. I have a feeling Louis and Tulisa will have slightly different points of view as to what the next star should look and sound like!"

Director of Entertainment, talkbackThames, Richard Holloway:

"Each year we aim to grow and evolve the show. This year will be no different. All I can say is expect the unexpected!"

Gary Barlow:

"I'm extremely excited about working on The X Factor. I've always been a fan of the show and always enjoyed performing on it too. My one goal is to find a global super star. If I don't find one I won't have done my job."

Tulisa Contostavlos:

"I'm so excited to be the joining The X Factor and want to bring something fresh and new to the panel. I'm not going to be afraid to speak my mind and mix things up a little. I am hoping to find some hot new talent and mentor a winning category. It is also going to be great to get to know and work alongside the other Judges. Let the fireworks begin!"

Kelly Rowland:

"I am so excited to join The X Factor UK and be able to spend time in one of my favourite places in the world. The music coming out of the UK right now is incredible with artists like Adele, Jessie J and James Blake, so I'm confident this season of The X Factor will give me opportunity to hear a few diamonds in the rough. Being a judge is never easy, but I promise to be as sternly honest as I can and also encourage everyone who crosses the stage. I can't wait to meet the world's next superstar!"

Louis Walsh:

"I'm delighted to back for my eighth series of The X Factor, it's my favourite job in the world and I'm really excited this year to work with Gary Barlow and the rest of the new panel. I'm the last original judge standing and I'm determined to find an act that can win this year and show the others how it's done!"

READ MORE - X FACTOR'd

BBC considering 'The Voice'?

Following its current success on NBC, the BBC are allegedly keen to buy the UK rights to singing competition The Voice, based on the Dutch series The Voice Of Holland.

Designed as a rival to the British Pop Idol and X Factor formats, which have been sold around the world to great success, The Voice is basically a merger of those two shows. The differences are in the details, with a "blind audition" (contestants are chosen without the judges actually seeing them), and a "battle phase" (contestants sing the same song, and the best performers are voted through.) But it effectively takes the mentoring aspect of X Factor and applies it to the Idol format. They've even appropriated the X Factor's "arms crossed to form an X" by having the Voice promo's have people raising their fingers in a "V for Voice" salute.

The BBC are considering The Voice as a possible Saturday night primetime series, and Dannii Minogue's name has already been mentioned as a possible judge now she's quit X Factor. My guess is The Voice could replace low-rated flop So You Think You Can Dance next year, as Strictly Come Dancing has the autumn/winter weekends covered as the BBC's rival to X Factor. Or it could air earlier in the year and go up against ITV's Dancing On Ice.

What do you make of the BBC's intention? Is The Voice a shrewd acquisition, or is it just X Factor-lite? Do you think Dannii Minogue would be a great signing, or would it feel like the BBC are just grabbing X Factor's cast-offs? As I tweeted recently, the BBC would have a more immediate hit if they managed to get Dannii's sister Kylie involved! The US version of The Voice has Christina Aguilera as head judge, so wouldn't Kylie be an equivalently famous singer? She would certainly be someone whose opinion mattered, and likely knows the deal with these shows thanks to her sister's role on X Factor and Australia's Got Talent.

The only obstacle might be the fact Kylie still has a viable music career to think about (albums to record, gigs to play, perfumes to sell...) Mind you, so does Take That's Gary Barlow, but he's now confirmed as a new X Factor judge. Do the BBC have £1.5m spare, which is what it cost ITV to get Barlow aboard? I doubt it. That's a controversial use of license fee payer's money. And I don't see Kylie agreeing to give up months of her schedule for anything less. Looks like I've talked myself out of my own suggestion.

A taste of the American version of the show's "blind auditions" is below:

READ MORE - BBC considering 'The Voice'?

Who wants 'The Apprentice' series 7 reviews?

I skipped reviewing series 6 of The Apprentice last year, so tragically missed writing about the hilarious egomania of Stuart "The Brand" Baggs. What a hamster-faced plonker he was, eh? Naturally that equaled TV nirvana.

This year, I'm still in two-minds about resuming weekly blogs of The Apprentice. It's usually hard to fit them into my schedule -- although theoretically it should be easier than usual this year because it's airing into the summer (when most US shows go on hiatus) rather than the hectic late-winter period.

If I resumed Apprentice blogging, I'll likely change the format so reviews are similar to those written for The Killing -- with sections of bullet-points. It's easier and faster to write in that style -- which could benefit a show like The Apprentice, which always has a lot of information to impart about the composition of teams, the framework of tasks, and the boardroom politics to cover.

But it mostly comes down to you, valued reader. Do you want to read Apprentice blogs every week here? If so, are you likely to comment on them regularly, or just read them? There's ultimately no point doing this if there's no appetite for it.

'The Apprentice' Series 7 launches with two episodes this week (10 & 11 May -- BBC1, 9PM)

READ MORE - Who wants 'The Apprentice' series 7 reviews?

Cheryl Cole confirmed for 'X Factor' USA

The will-she/won't-she surrounding the possibility of X Factor judge Cheryl Cole joining the US version with Simon Cowell has been, frankly, a torturous guessing game. Here in the UK, barely a day's gone by without a tabloid newspaper or gossip blog claiming to have a big exclusive on Cheryl Cole's success/failure on transferring to X Factor USA. It stopped being a worthwhile story sometime in January, but I assume any excuse to mention Cheryl Cole boosts page-hits and sales.

But today, finally, it was officially confirmed by Fox that Cheryl Cole will definitely sit alongside Simon Cowell for the US remake -- scheduled to air on Fox this autumn. Cowell and Cole join music mogul L.A Reid and another as-yet-unannounced judge, still rumoured to be Paula Abdul from American Idol.

X Factor USA is allegedly going to be hosted by former-Pussycat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who guest-judged X Factor when Cheryl Cole was sick with malaria last summer. Incidentally, would that be wise? Scherzinger has next to no live TV presenting experience, after all.

Simon Cowell:

"I'm thrilled for Cheryl. She is massively excited about this show, and has been fantastic to work with. She is also a complete brat! Most importantly, this girl can spot talent."

Cheryl Cole:

"I'm so excited to be taking part in the American version of The X Factor. I absolutely love it here in the UK, and with the talent they have out in America, I'm sure we're going to find someone very special. I can't wait to get started.

"I just can't decide whether I am more excited to find and nurture the talent or for the unbelievable amount of amusement and entertainment I will have watching Simon doing everything and anything he can to beat me. He's tried to beat me for three years in the UK, and hasn't even come close. His ego must be so bruised. America is gonna love this."

Mike Darnell, President of Alternative Entertainment at Fox Broadcasting Company:

"Cheryl Cole has the whole The X Factor package: she's an incredibly talented artist and performer, as well as a style icon, and she has that special charisma that draws in fans around the world. Cheryl's charm and chemistry with Simon have been a key part of the overwhelming success of The X Factor in the UK, and we can't wait to welcome her to the US on our air."

It's a very interesting proposition seeing Cheryl Cole transfer to the US in this manner. There's the obvious issue of her Geordie accent being impenetrable to the natives (who think we all talk like Hugh Grant), and therefore the possibility she'll adopt a highly amusing trans-Atlantic middle ground when the cameras roll. But perhaps more importantly, Cole's someone who's going to be judging American wannabes from the incongruous position of being a virtual unknown there herself!

Cole certainly does have good talent show credentials: a former auditionee on Popstars: The Rivals (a precursor to Pop Idol and American Idol), she became part of the show's winning group, Girls Aloud, who went on to become arguably the world's biggest girl group in the mid-'00s, before developing a successful solo career off the back of her X Factor work in the UK. But Girls Aloud never broke America (to be fair, they never even tried), so Cole's career means very little to everyday Americans. How will the masses react to a beautiful stranger critiquing their nation's amateur singers?

Working in her favour, Cole's incredibly photogenic and seems like a very nice person. I'm sure her career's going to receive a boost Stateside whatever happens, even if it's just some lucrative modeling contracts.

Anyway, Fox have all summer to try and sell Cheryl Cole to America, ahead of X Factor's premiere. That's long enough. Two months ago, America didn't know who Jessie J was, remember. There are already reports the Fox TV show Glee is going to cover Cole's "Parachutes" as a standout group performance in an upcoming episode. I'm sure Cole's people have her charm offensive planned to precision. Expect lots of chat show appearances, perhaps alongside Cowell -- whose trust in her abilities undoubtedly helped persuade executives to give her the job. Her showbiz friend Will.i.am may also help introduce her to the nation. I suppose it's possible she may release "Parachutes" as a single, hoping for a sleeper summer hit thanks to American curiosity.

But where does all this leave the original X Factor, a show that's now lost its two biggest celebrity judges? I doubt judges Dannii Minogue and Louis Walsh will be dropped, as they'll be needed to keep a sense of continuity for the next series. Reports suggest that Take That's Gary Barlow, Oasis' Noel Gallagher, Lily Allen and Alesha Dixon are being courted to fill the gaps. Are either of them up to that task? Is the UK X Factor destined to dwindle without Cowell and Cole involved? Or will X Factor UK, rather like American Idol this season, suffer only a minor dip in the ratings?

X Factor USA's filmed auditions start on 8 May, so an announcement about the remaining fourth judge and host will be imminent.

READ MORE - Cheryl Cole confirmed for 'X Factor' USA

'Big Brother' returns, on Channel 5

After almost a year of speculation, Channel 5 have confirmed that they're reviving Big Brother, which aired its final series on Channel 4 last summer. C5 have thrashed out a £200m two-year deal with Endemol, after months of negotiations, allowing Big Brother to return with a celebrity special in August, ahead of a regular 13-week run from September. The traditional schedule of a January celebrity special, followed by the regular show in summer will come into effect next year.

It's undoubtedly great news for Channel 5, provided the entirety of Channel 4's dwindled audience accept this new version. It will also help get people to sample 5*, if that's where the Big Brother sister shows like Big Brother's Little Brother and Big Brother's Big Mouth will find themselves. Although it's not known if those formats are part of the deal.

Jeff Ford, Channel 5's Director Of Programmes:

We're hugely excited to have secured the return of Big Brother for Channel 5 which will form a key part of this year's schedule. The series has previously captivated a decade of television viewers and we aim to bring Channel 5's energy, optimism and vibrancy to the series."

Tim Hincks, Endemol Chief Executive:

Big Brother has a passionate and loyal fanbase in the UK and I'm delighted it has found a new home on Channel 5. Ten years on it's as potent and cutting-edge as ever and it's still one of the only truly multi-platform entertainment brands.

But will there be any concessions regarding the quality and content of the show? Can Channel 5 attract the same caliber of famous faces for their celebrity specials? You may scoff at that phrasing, but Channel 4 regularly paid around £250,000 to get a few big names involved. Will C5's pockets be as deep, or should we expect a budget line-up across the board? Whatever happens, surely there won't be a problem finding the usual bunch of crazy, extroverted, fame-hungry wannabes for the regular show.

But there are already a few problems with Channel 5's impatient decision to get the show on-air this year. By launching Big Brother in August with a celebrity special, they'll attract a lot of attention, but will audiences be bored once the celebs are all evicted after a month and the "normal" show begins? Remember how jarring it was last year, when Channel 4 ended Big Brother 11 and went straight into a two-week Ultimate Big Brother send-off with some celebs? It just didn't work. Even for diehard fans, it was overkill. So why are Channel 5 repeating that mistake? It would make more sense to leave the celebrity special for January 2012, a few months after the regular show ends.

Also, if Big Brother 12 starts in September for 13-weeks, that means the series will be airing throughout autumn and into winter. Cold temperatures tend to dictate the kind of outdoor tasks the housemates are given and, to be frank, Channel 4 used to delight in being able to show nubile young men and women sunbathing all day. It sold tabloids and provided something for casual viewers to ogle on the live-stream. There's no chance of much sunscreen being applied from September to November!

Plus, the autumn is a much busier time of the year for TV. Big Brother doesn't have much to compete with much during the summer and post-Christmas, but an autumn broadcast will mean a lot more competition for the show. There's ITV's X Factor, for example, which is bound to steal whatever column inches Big Brother could normally rely on in Heat magazine. Although it helps that Channel 5's new boss Richard Desmond owns a selection of publications, who'll no doubt give Big Brother the kind of coverage it hasn't enjoyed since its early-'00s heyday.

Big Brother will also be returning to its home at Elstree Studios, but Davina McCall is very unlikely to reprise her role as presenter.

What is your reaction to this news? Even if you hate Big Brother, is it great to see a TV show being rescued in this way?

READ MORE - 'Big Brother' returns, on Channel 5